I really dislike Valentine’s Day and as far back as I can remember I always have. This has nothing to do with me being single at the moment but more to do with the pressure the “holiday” puts on people and the often negative emotions it brings up for so many. It sucks!
Valentine’s Day: The Early Days
I can remember being in elementary school and people would hand out those silly paper Valentine’s to their friends. It wasn’t like it is now where you have to bring enough cards for the entire class. You could choose who you gave one to back then. Everyone would have a basket and your friends would drop one into your basket. So if you were that person who only got one from your ONE friend in class you would pretend to be okay with it but secretly feel like shit because no one cared to give you a stupid piece of paper with a cartoon character printed on it.
No, I’m not the bitter girl who only got one card. I actually got my fair share of cards but the anxiety of it all was horrible. Thinking “who really likes me?” or “Please let me get at least 3 cards!” SMH… so silly but so real! Feelings of worthiness over a piece of paper was something many kids had to deal with.
Valentine’s Day: The Middle Years
Things did not get any better as we got older. In high school I remember my best friend and I purposely wearing all black on Valentine’s Day to silently protest. We would watch those girls with boyfriends who didn’t mind demonstrating their “love” walking around school carrying HUGE bouquets of flowers, balloons and teddy bears making everyone who didn’t receive all that feel unworthy. Many of us never received anything like that especially in high school! Shoot… some of us were lucky if we got a $1 Valentine Gram from a member of the opposite sex!
Then we advance to adulthood and STILL this “holiday” is making grown women question their worthiness based on the gifts they receive. The next day at work after Valentine’s Day is THE WORST because the women sit there asking each other “what did YOU do for Valentine’s Day?” and “What did YOUR Boo get you?” Almost like a silly competition to see who is the most loved in the office based on the Valentine’s Day experience.
Valentine’s Day: For Men
Then from the man’s perspective it’s a “holiday” that forces them to buy something that has to exemplify how much they love the woman they are dating or married to (whether they feel that way or not). All they know is if they want to continue having sex with this woman they BETTER show up with something. The better the gift, the better the evening (if you know what I mean).
The pressure for men to come up with the perfect gift is ridiculous. Get some women a $8 bouquet of flowers from the grocery store and they’ll start thinking you really don’t love them. Buy one of those ugly ass Valentine baskets you see people sell on the street and the girl (depending on her age) may feel “special”. Try to be too original and get her something like a house plant and some girls will get depressed because it’s not as pretty as the roses she thought she deserved.
Valentine’s Day: The Reality
To me it’s all ridiculous. Granted it took me several years to realize this because in my 20’s it seems like everything external to me is what validated me. Very few 20 year olds are confident enough to understand that their value does not lie in a gift someone chooses to give you or what they think of you. Shoot… very few 30 and 40 year olds are that confident! It’s a hard lesson to learn but I learned it and spared myself a LOT of grief.
My belief is that love should be demonstrated in the form of respect for each other, acts of kindness towards one another, and being a person of integrity when it comes to that special one on a daily basis. Getting gifts are a bonus; however, it doesn’t mean quite as much when one is being forced to give something due to societal expectations. If my man and I need Hallmark to remind us to demonstrate love for one another on February 14th because it’s a holiday, then our relationship is doomed. When your mate only gives gifts and shows love on Valentine’s Day it’s equivalent to a forced apology. You know the kind you would give when you did something wrong as a child and your Mom says “say you’re sorry!” Then after a long pause and huffing and puffing you say “sorry” super quick with no sincerity? It’s like that!
I’m not knocking anyone who actually loves this day. As they say “do you Boo-Boo!” But for MY future husband? Don’t waste your money on the one day. It doesn’t mean as much to me as it would if you decided to pick up my favorite flowers from the grocery store (YES… the grocery store!) on a random Thursday because you thought of me and knew I’d enjoy them. Or even offering to make dinner AND CLEAN UP afterwards on any random day. Can you say awesome?!?!?! But that’s just me. I’m also the girl who would be more excited about receiving a squat rack over flowers, candy and jewelry because I’m special like that. LOL.
In all honesty, it’s the day-to-day displays of love that matter most. I wish people would learn to do more of that and less panicking over not getting a damn card and flowers on Valentine’s Day. Spoil each other often. Appreciate one another and say I LOVE YOU daily. Don’t wait for that ONE day a year to show how much you love and care about each other.
Do you all share my opinion about Valentine’s Day or are you the hopeless romantic that loves this holiday? Let me know in the comments below. And Happy President’s Day. LOL