Take 1: Meet “Trouble”
So, I had this awesome blog idea ready to write but then something happened a couple of days ago that I just needed to share with someone who can understand my pain. My fellow parents. Many of you will be able to laugh and feel my pain knowing how it feels to deal with what I dealt with.
This little bugger is my 5 year old son Kadyn. He’s what I call a sweetheart with asshole tendencies (yes… I said it!) but I love him to pieces!
When Kadyn was about 2 he did what most kids do and got into the toiletry cabinet and slathered diaper rash cream all over his body! It was one of those moments when you’re cooking and realize your toddler has been waaaaay too quiet and you dread going into the room to see what they’re doing. So yeah…he was up to no good and looked like a ghost. Doesn’t he look so proud of himself?
But he’s older now so I don’t have to worry about those things anymore right? WRONG! Oh so wrong!
Take 2: The Kid (still) Misbehaves
Sunday I decided to take a trip to the grocery store. Since Kadyn was taking a nap I decided to leave him home with his older brother as I do from time to time. (yes, older brother is legally permitted to stay at home alone in case you’re wondering)
I come home about an hour later and as I walk in the door I smell eucalyptus oil . So my mind starts working and I hear Kadyn and the TV on in MY room. I head straight for the room (braced myself) then opened the door. The smell of eucalyptus oil smacks me dead in my face! I’m telling you it smelled like a damn geriatric hospital! Kadyn immediately bolts to the bathroom. I scan the room. My eyes come to my bed and among his action figures is a greasy empty container of my DIY Vaporub and my hand cream (both of which were at least half full when I left the house).
I yell at him to come into the room. He walks in glistening from head to toe holding an EOS lip balm in each hand that looks like he rubbed over his teeth instead of his lips. He’s rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands and they are watering. No, those were not tears of remorse or fear of a spanking… those were tears from getting the Vaporub in or around his eyes!
There are clumps of coconut oil hanging off his ear and in his hair. I scan the room again and notice he spilled a rather large and pricey bottle of vitamin E oil on my comforter AND had just finished making some sort of concoction for his hair in my spray bottle with oil, water, and my Shea Moisture and Camille Rose products (do you KNOW how much that stuff costs?!?!?!)!
I was at a loss for words. But once I found them I was surprisingly calm. I nicely explained to him that he shouldn’t play with my stuff because it can be dangerous, tried giving analogies of how it would feel if I did that to his stuff (he was looking at me as if he were thinking “I wouldn’t care”), and I warned him that if he did it again he would no longer be welcome in my room. He says okay and says he won’t do it again. We hug and all was right with the world right? WRONG!
Take 3: Oh You Thought He Was DONE?? (me too!)
Me, being naive, thought all was good so I allowed him to continue watching TV in my room and went upstairs to cook dinner. But not before I tear into my oldest son for not keeping a closer eye on his brother. He claims he checked on him and saw him messing with some stuff and told him to stop. Then he went back upstairs to play video games. I should have caught on to the trend then but I didn’t. I was tired and I needed to figure out what channel the Super Bowl was on so I wouldn’t miss the Beyoncé concert. LOL.
So after a few minutes I go back to my room to check on the little one. NOW my room smells like a nail salon. This little bugger got into my nail polish! I look at his feet and he has half wiped red and blue polish (boy colors of course) on his big toe and some blue on the top of his foot like a tattoo. From the looks of it he apparently tried on the red and didn’t like it so he wiped that color off with his hand and rubbed it ON TO THE CARPET. Then tried the more masculine blue but decided he didn’t like that either so on the carpet that one went!
I was LIVID! I go into my tirade about respecting my space and punishment and he’s giving me the puppy dog eyes and the poked out bottom lip not saying a word. At this point I’m mentally and physically drained. So in my delirium I ask him “so do you want your spanking now or later?” THIS boy looks at me very seriously and quickly but quietly “laterrrr…. laterrrr…. LAY… TORRRRRR”. Dammit I hate when the boys make me laugh when I’m supposed to be mad!
Needless to say he didn’t get a spanking but he has been banned from my room. When I think about it we all have days when we just want to do what WE want to do. When we want to say screw the rules. The thing is kids (specifically toddlers and preschoolers) seem to be the only ones brave enough to do it! I can’t be too mad at him when I think about it that way.
The funny thing was the following day I was on Facebook and saw this old video below and was quickly reminded that I got off lightly! Hahaha. Hopefully you guys got a good laugh out of my pain. Feel free to share your stories of misbehaving kids in the comments below.